Managing: watch for this sign of anger

A male client told me about a situation that made him feel totally inadequate, and I suspect this happens a lot among young male managers.

Tom was discussing a work situation with one of his young female employees. The situation involved a difference of opinion between her and another worker, resulting in a mistake being made. Tom felt he was being quite considerate in the discussion, not at all heavy handed. To his dismay, the woman suddenly burst into tears and answered Tom's questions with difficulty. He blundered his way through the situation, but was quite upset by it. What, he asked me, should he have done?

What men need to understand is that when a woman cries in a business situation, it is usually simply a sign of anger. While angry men tend to rant, speak loudly and angrily, angry women sometimes cry. She was probably angry at the co-worker, angry at the situation and perhaps even angry at Tom.

The best way to handle such a situation is to simply give the woman a moment to compose herself, perhaps give her a tissue if she clearly can't find one, and then continue the discussion. If she is having trouble composing herself, excuse yourself and say you will be back in a ferw moments. Don't attempt to comfort her, as this often comes across as patronizing even though not intended that way. When you think she is ready, just say something like "Okay?" in a pleasant tone, and on her signal, continue the discussion.

It's not your fault. It's not her fault. It's just an expression. Carry on!